You know that old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink?” Well, apparently, I have been a horse for months. My mind and body had been dropping not-so-subtle hints that I needed a major break, but I was too busy being busy, with plenty of elaborate explanations, excellent justifications, and probably a few backup excuses just in case.
Personally, I am both cursed and blessed with an impressive ability to “appear normal,” which is basically compartmentalizing with a smile. This only helped me ignore the problem. I also had several forms of self-care that looked very responsible on paper. Unfortunately, self-care was just a smidge below what I needed to replenish. To absolutely no one’s surprise, all of this eventually stopped working.
I know I am not alone in this. Somewhere along the way, self-worth, security, productivity, and even freedom has become equated with worth. Doing more seems like proof of being okay. I am not saying work, goals, or accomplishment are bad things; they can be meaningful, energizing, and even joyful. However, there is also so much more. Relationships, hobbies, play, time outside, creativity, movement, learning, novelty– are all important too. Even when we love what we do, imbalance can quietly eat away at our health and sanity.
Let’s identify some of the signs that tell us when it is time to take a big pause and truly unplug:
Physical
- Exhaustion/depletion- this becomes a state of being that does not politely leave after a long weekend or earlier bedtimes. Those efforts may prevent sliding further downhill, but they are a long way from restoring sparkle.
- Sleep Disturbances- a full night’s sleep becomes something other people get, like tax refunds or perfectly ripe avocados. There is often inability to turn off for the day. Even if the mind is quiet, the body is revved. Routine, stretching, distraction, podcasts, and breathing, etc. help intermittently, but do not impact the overall trend.
- Changes in Appetite- stress, whether chronic or acute, can do strange things to hunger cues. For some, appetite disappears; for others, there is a temptation to pull up a chair next to the pantry. Of course, there may be a blend of the two, leading to nutritional mayhem.
Emotional/Mental
- Cynicism- oh, that relentless negative lens that causes attention to only land on what is wrong or disappointing. The ability to savor or see the good in things feels out of reach. When severe, positive people are deemed naïve, obnoxiously chipper, and nearly intolerable.
- Detached- the brain creates mental distance to protect an already overwhelmed system. Unfortunately, it also means the positive gets dulled too. It is like watching life rather than being a participant.
- Sense of failure/doubt- this one is sneaky. Depending on how long it has been going on, it can mirror low self-esteem. A clue that it is really burnout in disguise is that it eases when you get meaningful rest. Honestly, it makes sense. When effort does not change the overall experience and just getting by takes so much energy, confidence understandably wobbles.
- Brain Fog- the mind is burdened with energetic white noise so executive functioning gets compromised. This means that concentration, memory, and decision making are all effected. It may impact the ability to find words or complete thoughts. Personally, I have lived with some degree of this due to long-term Covid, but this was “extra”. My poor hubby had to bring incredible patience to our conversations because I frequently forgot what I was talking about. I regularly played hide-and-seek with my stuff. Despite having apps to help, I still found a pair of shoes out in the grass and my keys in the pantry. I still have hope that I’ll find my eyeglasses.
Behavioral Signs
- Procrastination: tasks that used to feel manageable now require a project manager. Starting something feels hard; finishing something feels like a small miracle.
- Withdrawal: isolation becomes the most sensible option when energy is in short supply, interactions feel hollow, and the inner cynic has taken over. Staying tucked away can seem less like avoidance and more like protection for all involved.
- Increased Irritability: I AM NOT IRRITABLE! HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?!?!?
- Checking out: coping mechanisms increasingly include substance use (think alcohol or chocolate), mindless distractions, or general forms of numbing. Things go by the wayside like the existence of family and pets, chores, commitments, anniversaries, the burning dinner on the stove…..
With the encouragement of my support team and proverbial hitting a wall, I did it- I took a break. At the end of July, I completely stepped back for three weeks. Profound thanks to the lovely people who picked up the slack I was inevitably leaving behind and incredibly understanding clients who waited. All were patient, a few said they were inspired by my example, and a couple people have taken steps to do the same.
Next month, I’ll share some of the things that came out of this time away for it ended up being much more than rest. Meanwhile, if your body has been sending little memos, urgent emails, or perhaps a full marching band performance trying to get your attention, consider this your friendly nudge to listen. Rest is not a reward for finally finishing everything; it is part of how we keep being able to show up for the people, work, and life we care about. Sometimes the bravest, wisest, most productive thing we can do is stop, step back, and really, seriously, fully rest.